I believe in a hand up and not a hand out. Please help me achieve my dream of helping other women overcome lifes obstacles.
I am a single mother of two girls. I am currently in what feels like a no win situation and after countless hours scouring the net for help, I’ve come to the conclusion that there just isn’t anything out there for a woman in my situation. I am 29 and a survivor of domestic violence and addiction. While the last few years have been life altering, I’ve hit a roadblock and it seems like there is no way out. I have taken baby steps since getting sober 3 years ago which has led to some very wonderful accomplishments like going back to school 3 nights a week and receiving my GED, getting my driver’s license back, quitting smoking, earning the trust back from my family and friends who’s bridges I had burned (still working on the parents;), and last but certainly not least giving my children the life they deserve and the mother I knew I could be. All this has taken a lot of patience. I wasn’t someone who was lucky enough to have family support. The day my father dropped me off at rehab he looked at me in the eyes and said “Only a failure goes to rehab. If you really wanted to change you would just stop doing drugs!” I still went and unfortunately had to go home to an unsupportive family. My father and mother took my girls and me in when I was 22 after a terribly abusive relationship that finally ended with me lying in a hospital bed with broken ribs, jaw, and concussion. I’m surprised it didn’t kill me honestly, but we won’t get into that because I’m sure you already have an idea of what I went through. I am grateful to my parents for taking me in and being there for my girls. I don’t have any idea what I would have done had they not been there for them. The reason I say them is because they have made it clear that is the only reason they have done anything. I just wish there was something I could do to show them how much Ive changed. Every time I make what seems to be a huge step in the right direction they remind me of my age and how other women my age have accomplished so much more.
Here is my current problem. I am STUCK and it seems as though there is no way out. After the research I have done online I’ve come to the realization that my parents are showing signs of narcissism that has recently gotten so bad that my father became physical by pushing me down in front of my daughter. I had flashbacks of my earlier abusive relationship and quickly realized I have to get out of this. I feel as though my every move is controlled. I have no car and no job which is a real downer on my self esteem. Honestly, I feel like I’m totally alone. My parents not only resent me but I’m pretty sure they have lost all love they had for me. That is if they ever loved me at all. It’s always been a hostile home to say the least.
I’m not on a bus line due to living in the country so there is no way for me to get to school or work. When I mention ways to better my life my parents tell me I’m being selfish and that single mothers like me made our beds and now we should have to lie in them. I cry daily and dream of a life being able to choose what I want to do or go where I want to go. With all this free time on my hands and a broken leg that resulted in surgery from a fall 2 months ago I’ve had plenty of time to Google in search for a hand up and not a hand out for women like me. This has turned up little possibilities. I would love to find a foundation or organization that would help me become independent and on the right road toward success while I in turn offer my time to help with whatever they may need volunteers to do. Id love to help women who are going through what I went through. I could help them overcome the fear and anxiety associate with addiction. I could also show women that they don’t deserve to be abused and it is possible to break the cycle. This doesn’t seem like such a farfetched idea to me and it would give women a sense of accomplishment if they learned to volunteer and not just receive a handout. Thanks for reading and I look forward to ideas.